Unsafe Containers: Which emotion(s) —joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain?
Today, just another day to recuperate from ankle surgery has turned into a day filled with sadness, a sadness that has morphed into anger within my heart and spirit. This sadness and anger comes from deep within the spirit of the woman I am, for you see the woman was created to be a nurturer, a helper (I’m pissing somebody off right now). So when I see or hear of an injustice, when I see or hear of someone causing pain to the children my heart weeps and screams to understand why.
I read of two stories on my Facebook news feed that made me sad and angry all in a matter of moments. It brought up thoughts of the man I love whose childhood was not like most, thoughts of this man who was hurt and damaged by the first woman he should love forever, his mother. When he tells me his story my heart breaks and my anger rises and I want to go to her and shake her and ask why? I thought about my own children and how I have many regrets with them and my heart broke when I found out so many years later that the man that I trusted them with, their father, allowed his mother to do unspeakable acts to our sons. Again my sadness turns into anger and I want to go to both of them and ask them why? It’s amazing what pops into your mind just from two different stories.
The first story was about three little girls all of them age twelve, now two of them are facing criminal charges and one is fighting for her life in a hospital room. Two of these little girls instead of doing what I would assume normal children of twelve should be doing instead were plotting how to murder someone else based on an Internet myth. It broke my heart as I read this story, because now these little girls’ lives will be changed forever. I became angry because those simple growing up things that so many of us take for granted will be lost to them. The sharing of that first tender kiss with that special boy they daydream about will never come. The prom and graduation parties, these simple rites of passages lost to two of them. As for the girl who is fighting for her life, she’s lost her innocence of the world. Will she fear making friendships with others because of this, will anyone ever be able to get close to her as she matures into a young woman.
Yes I was filled with an overwhelming sadness and reading about the why because of some mythical creature from the internet “Slenderman” is the reason behind this madness turned my heart into an anger that I am sure their mothers are feeling right now. Angry at themselves because they didn’t see it coming, angry that maybe they did all they could, and maybe angry because their little girls are lost.
The second story was about to children stabbed going up to their home for ice cream on a hot day. Now this one made me tear up. They were six and seven, the little boy six died and the little girl is fighting for her life. Can you imagine the fear these two babies felt as a mad man stabbed them, it makes me sick and anger that a man did this to these children. Now two more little lives have been changed, the little boy could he have grown up to become someone famous, a great doctor or lawyer, the world will never know. That little girl if she survives will she live in fear for the rest of her life, will she fear strangers approaching or enclosed spaces. How many nights will she wake up with screams from the nightmare she has endured.
Two different stories that turned an ordinary day into a day that has me looking at my life, wanting to pull all those I love close to me in a warm embrace. For me it is hard to hold my sadness in, its hard not to feel the pain of others and sometimes it scares me that one day it will overwhelm me but yet I have learned how to put it on paper and say a prayer for all those involved. I wonder what will happen to each of their lives from this day forth and I will hug my children a little tighter today and I will look my boyfriend in the eyes tonight and say I love you.